Assassin's Creed: The Non-Gamer Review

Now, before you raise a condescending brow, let me put it out there --without the slightest qualm-- that I am no gamer. Until last weekend, I wouldn't have known the difference between Aguilar de Nehra and Gordan Freeman. But I do have 2 teenagers who who have done the popular Leap of Faith, so I consider myself schooled. Crash coursed, more like it.
I am also a nerd. So before our weekend Assassin's Creed movie date, I did research. I went through the Assassin's Creed storyline, watched every game trailer, and felt my brain implode. I also found myself going through movie reviews. It was a pretty daunting experience because most of them were on the negative end of the spectrum. Something about how weak the movie plot was, about how the story should've delved more into the Spanish Inquisition past rather than the Animus Experiment present. Picking up the pieces of my brain, I went and told my boys about this. They were unfazed. We were going to watch Assassin's Creed no matter wahat. And I'm like, "Oh, heck, Michael Fassbender's in it --sure, let's go!"
And, boy, was I glad I got so easily swayed!

To the true blue gamer, Assassin's Creed may not have met their standards like most movie translations flop to every video game imaginable. I remember how Doom was criticized. Wait, that was too kind. Doom was adequately bashed.
But from my perspective, Assassin's Creed was amazing!

1. The story line of good versus evil, past versus present may not be the most original, but the storytelling was on point. While some people complained about the unbalanced editing, I found it crisp and clear. Keep in mind that jumping from past to present and back again can be quite confusing. But Assassin's Creed delivered through its simplicity.While I do agree that the Spanish Inquisition past served as better eye candy, for an intro phase in this Assassin's Creed series, the present needed to be played up more. It made the entire plot more believable. I even believed that there could be a cure to the disease called violence.

2. The action was insane! The parkour-heavy fight scene that ran almost 10 minutes had me riveted! The horse-drawn carriage chase scene was incredible. And every one-on-one mano-y-mano was brilliantly choreographed. Case in point, Aguilar's ghost versus Callum Lynch. And don't get me started on Maria's 2-against-1 number. That one almost had me screaming 'Girl Power!' in the theater.

3. Cinematography. Damn, those wide angles! Thanks to the iconic CGI eagle, we were pitched into the landscape of a cruel past. I dig that. From the GoPro shot of a mountainous terrain, to the dramatic caress of a stage of burning bodies, to the rustic dusty skyscrapers and towers specifically built for Aguilar to jump off from.

4. Are you seeing this, cosplayers? The costumers were on point --from the ominous garb to the tattooed skin. There is nothing more rewarding than seeing an imaginary character come to life in its most faithful detail. Heck, I squealed the first time I saw a Morrigan cosplay, thinking, "So that's how you keep that impossinle bustier up..."
Anyway, you should've seen my boys geek out to high heavens every time a hidden blade was unleashed. Kudos to the movie's production designer, seriously.

5. The cliffhanger was done clean. I know that some movies or TV shows have cliffhangers that give too much (I'm looking at you, Marvel) or too little (I'm looking at you The Walking Dead), and that kills the magic all together. Whereas, Assassin's Creed held its breath just enough to make you want a sequel.

Bottomline, even if you're not a gamer, you can enjoy this movie. You can keep up without feeling left out. It also helps that assassins, in all their mysterious glory, can be fascinating and crush-worthy. Oh! Michael Fassbender helped, too. :)

Assassin's Creed. It's still showing. Catch it.

Papier Macheniacs: Bad Piggy Minions!

Remember that time we made Bad Piggies' King Pig? Well, it was getting lonely at the top. So we decided to make the old, snorty royalty some faithful minions. And here they are.

You can make your band of mini piggies, too --as long as you have the balls for 'em.

No, seriously. You'll literally need balls.

In our case --and because the season kinda called for it-- we used these big Christmas balls.

Then, we sliced a long, empty tissue roll to make these cute snouts.

And glued on these cola caps for eyes. With some extra cardboard, we also added in some details. Like,  little ears and adorable headgear.

Regular Piggy Minion

Soldier Piggy Minion

Mechanic Piggy Minion

Papier mache time! You have no idea how relaxing it is to brush glue over tissue paper squares over a smooth orb. That sounds weird, but believe me, this exercise can be quite therapeutic. And cheaper than shopping. :)

Oh! We penned on features, too. Like that classic, toothy grin every Bad Piggy is known for. Well, when the Angry Birds aren't giving them a bad day, that is.

Before you know it, you got a litter of Bad Piggy minions at hand! Our King Pig has never felt more empowered! Neat, huh?

There are many different designs from the Bad Piggies game you can copy or draw inspiration from. Try making a couple. Heck, try making a bunch! It's pretty easy once you have the balls for it. :P

Papier Macheniacs: Rubberatronic Freddy Fazbear

"Hey, buddy! I'm Freddy Fazbear!"

Yeah, this guy creeps up on me every night now. He's our version of one of the animatronic robots in the game, Five Nights at Freddy's.
Eh, you know how we roll --new online game discovery, new paper mache project.

So today, brace yourself as we take you through the Freddy Fazbear Rubberatronic Mask DIY!
Why 'Rubberatronic', you ask? Ah, in due time, little grasshopper, in due time.

First, we gotta do some sculpting. Most of our masks are paper plate-based. Because paper plates are easy to shape and they've got that nice shiny silver surface that doesn't rip when the wearer of the mask sweats or decides to sneeze. Uh-huh.
Our Freddy mask is made up of two parts: The face itself and the jaw. This has something to do with the Rubberatronic awesomeness I've been blabbering about.

Second, when you've got all your sculpted newspaper down pat, it's time to whip out the glue and tissue. Paper mache-ing in progress! Now, for this particular mask, the nooks and crannies were insane. So you have to fill those pockets up with paper mache to make sure every bit of the mask holds in the end. Do the same for the jaw and teeth.

Third, applying the details. We use standard marker for this. Make sure you do this with Freddy's picture right in front of you. I mean, even the freckles were crucial to my boys.
If you haven't punched holes for the eyes at this point, you better do it now.

Fourth, paint!

BAM! Pretty handsome specimen, eh? :P

Just as an added tidbit here, the Freddy mask is heavy up front because of the bear's snout, the hat, and that jaw attachment. So instead of our usual backstrap, we opted for a full-on 'skull cap' to keep the mask secured on the wearer's head. Yes! We measured my son's head and then paper mache'd and painted the mould accordingly. The skull cap is then cinched with a horizontal strap and an additional vertical strap.

Fifth! The Rubberatronic attachment!
Okay, okay… too much fanfare. It's really just a couple of rubber bands that the jaw attachment can hang from at a good distance from the bottom of the face. So with just a tug, you can get Freddy Fazbear to talk like a robot. Kinda like in the game. Except it's manual. Not, uh, technological. Hahaha!

There you have it --Papier Macheniacs' very own Five Nights at Freddy's top man, Freddy Fazbear!

And now, I leave you with a few words from our sponsors.

Nintendo Killed The Timezoning Star

There was a time when we would be called true blue Timezoners.

There wouldn't be one weekend when you won't find our family at the Galleria Timezone arcade tagteaming to kill virtual zombies, rampaging dinosaurs, and bloodthirsty sea monsters.

Or air hockeying and bowling to make new friends... or enemies.

Or simply beating each others' scores in a heart-thumping Mario Kart race or a Cutesy Bear adventure.

One may raise an eyebrow to that, but Timezoning's our very own way of adrenaline-pumping, highly-competitive family bonding.  Yeah, we're psycho like that. :P

However, all good things do come to an end.
All was well until Nintendo came along.

Suddenly, our Timezone swipe cards were pushed aside to make way for game chip purchases that lead to solo gaming.  SOLO GAMING!  Heavens, family bonding is ditched for this evil hand-held contraption called the DS!

This has been going on for a couple of years now.  But only when my 10th plan for a Timezone weekend has mutated into a DS or Gameboy game shopping spree did it finally hit me --the battle is lost (uh-huh, I tend to cling.  Lol!).  Technology has again turned time and trend. 

If you're as ancient as I am and you know the song 'Video Killed the Radio Star', that's the song playing in my head right now.

Got Game?

One day, for lack of anything better to do, my boys decided that they've been playing with the wrong toys and games all along (much to my chagrin). And proceeded to 'revise' what they already have to something even better. Or, in Miro's words, "I'm gonna make this right because they got it wrong." :D

First up, Kenji. Kenji loves writing and drawing and he's hogged all the art supplies in this household all summer. "It's more fun when you mix everything together!", he said as he made up his own board games with characters from Up, Toy Story, Super Mario Brothers, and Pacman. He asked me for a little help in drawing the characters but the game artwork and challenges ideas --all his. And he's thought of quite a lot!

Board game 1:  The Maze.  You pick a card to make your move through the spirals while being chased by a flesh-eating Pacman.

Board Game 2:  The Haunted Bakery. You have to go through every process to bake a delicious cake without being caught by the Pacman ghost.

Board Game 3:  Choose your own adventure with a huge floating house strapped with balloons in tow.

Meanwhile, Miro is more technological in his approach to fixing what isn't broken. Instead of making different games, he zeroed in on Super Mario and made levels for his rectified video game --which involved more brain work this time, in contrast to the original's main game trials of jumping on toadstools, and kicking and punching everything in sight to save the princess.

Level 1:  Mission Control.  Mario and Luigi have to be space men, of course.

Level 4:  Diamond Decoder.  You have to figure out the right arrangement of the colored diamonds to stop the laser from going off.

Level 9:  The Evil Penguin.  A new villainous character who challenges you to find the red key hidden in the red laser streaks under time pressure.

Level 12:  Final Stage.  With more new characters (including a Miro robot).  But the Super Mario winner flag is still there.

Speaking as a mother who used to spend her summers playing jacks on the curb or running around naked for a little game of tag (I was MUCH younger then), i am amazed and proud of what my boys had done. And somewhat disturbed. I think my kids need to get out more. Hmmm...