I May Just Die At 80

SHOCK

I am in shock that I may just be going through the dreaded midlife crisis. And punctually, too, at that. Research shows (uh-huh, I love to research. it's an illness.) that midlife crisis occurs between the ages 40 to 60 --and yes, I'm on the dot. The early bird gets the juicy depression, I always say. LOL!


DENIAL

However, I am quick to take that back. I refuse to believe that I am going through such a cliche point in life. How unoriginal! Admittedly, I started getting a little bogged down when I turned 40 (due to external factors, mind you --which were on the dot as well. ugh.) but this is in no way leading to some catastrophic issue. Midlife crisis...pshaw!



DEPRESSION

Uh, I have moments. But not the kind that's weep-in-a-fetal-position level or --heavens forbid-- slit-the-wrist type. I just sit a lot / walk aimlessly a lot lately and assess things (as if I haven't been doing that since I was 14). The feeling is more like frustration and a weird sense of incompleteness with an occasional sobbing on the side. Does that qualify as depression?


ANGER

Oh yeeeah! I'm handling this totally immaturely. Maybe even proudly. I don't throw a tantrum or a loaded ashtray at my husband. But I've noticed that in my ripe, old age, when I do get pissed --I take it on the world. No, it's not mass-murder level either. At least, not yet. But I have written people off. The only safe ones from my wrath is my family. And sometimes Jing isn't that safe either. Haha!


ACCEPTANCE

So if this is indeed midlife crisis, I may just die at 80 then. Better hike up the insurance premium. :P